Friday, June 8, 2007

I have survived

I was first given laughing gas, which made me feel incredibly on edge and sick. Then the oral surgeon was like
OS: "Have you ever had enough alcohol to feel buzzed?"

Me: "Yes, yes I have."

OS: "What do you usually start out with?"

Me: "Oh, I don't know, usually some sort of pretentious microbrew"

OS: "How about hard liquor?"

Me: "Well, if it has to be hard liquor, then I'm goin' straight to my friend Jack"

OS: "Nice. Well, what I'm about to give you in your arm here is gonna feel like 10 shots o' Jack. All at once."

Me: "Excellent."
It was something of a rush, though I'm not sure it felt quite like 10 shots of Jack. I either fell asleep while he was taking my upper teeth out, or he didn't take them out...and my mouth doesn't feel up to an inspection yet. I woke up in time to observe the use of a bone saw to cut the lower teeth into pieces. At one point, I recall the same kind of pain you get when you're having a cavity drilled and they haven't given you enough Novocaine. The oral surgeon was like "Jesus, I've never seen anything like this, where the hell's the nerve?" Then he carpet bombed my mouth with Novocaine and all was well. I even got to keep the teeth.

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